Tuesday, June 2, 2009

E! True Hollywood Story

About One of the Creators by Amy

As Matthias, a fighter hailing from the Northwest, trekked up the Green Mountain, he removed his spectacles, frowning at the fog that his sweat had created on his sight-aiding tools. “Blast,” he thought. “My moustached cohorts surely would have uncovered the secret by now.” His thoughts drifted as his defective vision refocused on the verdant shrubbery near him. Could it be? The last arrow emblems needed to complete his quest?

He bent down closer. Suddenly, his knees torqued and gave. Matthias, as stunning a fighter as any, had not any formal physical training for a solid… ohhhh… decade. This quest was a necessity, but he was beginning to think more and more that he could not endure the entirety of the journey. A good rest might do for now.

[By the way, his eyes had failed him yet again. No surprise. The arrow emblem he thought he saw was a mere pinecone. Well, at least he had a pinecone. It served no great purpose. He just appreciated nature, is all.]

Matthias was a good man. He meant well, and was very supportive. He had several friends (if you were going to be specific, his social network included about 727 people, roughly), and enjoyed sending messages of the short quippish kind all day and night. Sure, Matthias had his deformities and character flaws (boy did he ever), but deep down, his intentions were pure.

He picked up the pinecone and tried to eat it. “Ouch! Stupid!” he thought, not incorrectly. “I’ll never find the last arrow.” That was also not incorrect.

Keep trying, though, Matthias. You’ll figure out the forward punch soon enough. Hopefully before your “backward, birdbrained, defective, dim, dim-witted, dopey, dull, dumbbell, dumbo, dumdum, dummy, exceptional, feeble-minded, gorked, half-witted, held back, imbecile, lamebrained, mentally defective, moronic, numbskull, opaque, pinhead, retardo, sappy, simple, simple-minded, slow, slow-witted, stupid, subnormal, touched, underachieving, weak, yo-yo” freakish constitution sinks even further into retardation (“retarded”).

Works Cited

“retarded.” Roget’s 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition. Philip Lief Group 2008. 02 Jun. 2009. .

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